you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
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