Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
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