I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
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