Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
Randomize
