i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
Randomize
