i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
Alive.
So much puke
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
Randomize
