Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Randomize
