...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
