did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
