I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
he high fived his dick after we had sex
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Randomize
