my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
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