It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Randomize
