I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
Randomize
