I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
Randomize
