I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
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