You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
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