So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
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