Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
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