i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Randomize
