My nipple is on Facebook.
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
