I think I just saw someone hide a body.
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
