im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
Please don't give away my fajitas
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Randomize
