Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
Randomize
