1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
if you like me you must not know who I am
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
