I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
Randomize
