I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
Randomize
