shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
tequila makes me forget i have legs
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
Randomize
