Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
Randomize
