I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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