with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
Randomize
