She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
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