he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
I just googled if crying burns calories
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Randomize
