I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
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