i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
