fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Randomize
