The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
I have tasted many bathrooms
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
