I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
Randomize
