I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
Randomize
