it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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