So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
Randomize
