90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
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