got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
When are your genitals available?
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
