My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
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