I'm jealous of your bromance
you will always have a special place in my vag
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
Randomize
