Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
Randomize
