Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
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