She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
