nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
