Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
I am full of burrito and curiosity
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize
