ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
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