Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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