Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
