Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
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