also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Randomize
