Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
