another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
