I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
Randomize
