Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
