It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Randomize
