i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
There r osticjed everywhere
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
Randomize
