Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
He's on the porch naked. Help.
Randomize
