Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Randomize
