let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
I touched a dick in church today
Randomize
