How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
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