You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
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