If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
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