If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
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