I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
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his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
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