I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
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