I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
grandma shit on top of the toilet
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Randomize
