I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Randomize
