There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Randomize
