My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
