Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
