Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
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