can u get pink eye on your cock?
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
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