OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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