He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
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