My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
Randomize
