come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
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