Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
Randomize
