this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
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