Sry I called you an 8
not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
