just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
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