please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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