turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
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