i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
